Can You Change the Way People Perceive You?

If you don’t actively manage your personal narrative, you run the risk of someone else making one for you… Perhaps you are already curating your persona through your social media channels, but I’d like to consider a more nuanced view than the obvious shop windows into your life and how it affects how others perceive you professionally.

Take the new Prime Minister of the UK. Andrew Murray Burnham graduated from Cambridge University and worked as a journalist, political researcher, parliamentary officer, special adviser, MP, Cabinet Minister (Chief Secretary to Treasury, Culture then Health) and Mayor of Greater Manchester before parachuting into Number 10 as the  Prime Minister of the United Kingdom a few weeks ago.  As political establishment as they come and yet he creates a perception of being just Andy, an ordinary ‘down-the-pub, stick-the-footy-on-the-telly kinda guy’.

In a nutshell, Andy Burnham has created – and crucially – owns an authentic narrative which sets him apart from most politicians around him and in the process even manages to make serial ‘ordinary bloke’ Nigel Farage look like a millionaire in mustard trousers.

Take a look at those high-profile figures that walk amongst us who have a shape-shifting knack of persuading us that they are something they are not. Despite their elite backgrounds, they project relatable, grounded accessibility. They understand a fundamental truth of human psychology – we tend to trust technical expertise but always follow people we relate to.

In competitive commercial environments, competence is assumed. The real differentiator, the element that secures high value clients, important promotions and seats at the top table is perceived alignment and trust.

Let’s take the example of the brilliant technician. Their spreadsheet wizardry, technical insight and heightened levels of organisation may be undermined by a perception of caution, stiffness and cold communication style.

On the flipside, the charismatic people person, who bubbles with charm and enthusiasm for big ideas runs the risk of being perceived as detail-light and will not be trusted with high-stakes decisions. If I was to put this in a sentence there’s probably no better fitting a description of Boris Johnson than the one delivered by one-time Home Secretary, Amber Rudd; “Boris is the life and soul of the party, but he’s not the man you’d want to drive you home at the end of the evening.”

We all have career ambitions. We all have feelings about decisions that go against us or rage against people who may have blocked our progress, but often the answers lie closer to home. Is it time to change your narrative to get you to where you want to be going?

Organisational psychologist Tasha Eurich’s research discovered that while 95% of people think they are self-aware, only 10–15% actually are. Unchecked habits such as interrupting, using dense jargon, mumbling or avoiding eye contact damage perception without you realising it.

This is backed up by research that suggests self-awareness operates on two distinct axes – internal awareness, which is how clearly you see your own values and reactions, and external awareness, which is how accurately you understand how other people perceive your behaviour and tone. And guess what? You can be in tune with your own intentions but be completely oblivious to the signals you send to others.

To build true external self-awareness, high achieving professionals swap why? for what?. Instead of asking why someone did not buy into a proposal, they ask what signals they have given off that may have influenced the decision and consider what can be adjusted next time to more positively influence the outcome.

Three tips towards shaping a personal narrative and thus shaping the perception of others:

• Gravitas under pressure: Resisting the urge to overreact verbally signals to clients and colleagues alike that you hold authority over the situation.
• Balance warmth and competence: Social scientists have long shown that people evaluate leaders on both trustworthiness and strength, but warmth must be established before competence can be fully received.
• Audit your signals to close the perception gap: It may be an uncomfortable ask, but the result will be surprisingly cathartic – seek the honest advice of a trusted mentor and simply inquire how you are perceived.   It might come as a shock but you are the only person who cannot judge how you come across to others.  On the flip side, you are the only person who can control how you wish to be perceived and take the necessary steps to ensure that you manage and control your personal narrative.